It’s been quite a while since I last wrote on here and I know I’ve said that before. Senior year is kicking my butt and it’s one of those times in life where you feel like everything is hitting you all at once. Anticipation is the absolute worst. Sometimes its worse than whatever your anticipating. The idea that you’re becoming dependent on yourself is quickly becoming a reality, and the crossroad that you’re either going to grow with or away from the people currently in your life is getting closer. It’s strange to think that one day you’re dependent on someone for everything and the next you’re expected to make life long decisions that have an impact on your happiness for the rest of your life. You have to decide what you’re good at and what you love and you simply have to make it happen. You have to take tests that judge your worthiness for a college and you become a number among millions of numbers. You have to work on applications for college and jobs so you have money to start learning independence. Being a young person in this age is hard. You’re still that little girl on the inside despite your world changing around you. It is extremely difficult to keep up in a world where so many people make it look effortless. Its an even more exhausting task to try and make it look easy too.
Recently I have been trying to get back in my positive mind-set by waking up early and working out, eating healthy, listening to positive speakers/life coaches to stay motivated. While it is making me feel better, I still feel extremely overwhelmed. Much of my perfectionist attitude to impacting that negatively. I put so much pressure on myself and I am my own worst critic. Writing however is helping me cope with the pressures and doubts I have. Growing up is fast and scary, especially when you have never really worked for anything your life alone. Sometimes it’s okay to admit that your life isn’t perfect and you don’t have it all planned out. Its actually a relief to step back and say that. Growing never really has a finish. Life is all about growth, but some stages are more drastic than others and I am definitely in one of those stages.